


Broken Logic

by KaiOAnxiety



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Logan Angst, Logince - Freeform, M/M, Self-Harm, even though the self harm is him scratching his arm, sander sides angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 17:01:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18832909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaiOAnxiety/pseuds/KaiOAnxiety
Summary: Logan feels as if he is broken, would be cast aside if it is reveals that he in fact has feelings.





	Broken Logic

Logan ran into his room after sinking down. He can’t keep living like this, he sat against his door while weeping. He shuddered as he felt his usual intrusive thoughts come as he cried. He sobbed, hoping the others won’t hear him as he broke down.

He shouldn’t be feeling these things, he shouldn’t be feeling in general. He is “Logic”, logic isn’t feelings. Logic is facts and figures, knowledge, so why is he feeling this way?, he thinks the answer is plain to see, he is broken. Why did he have to be broken like this, how cruel can reality be to him with these issues he deals with on the constant. 

When the others realize he is broken, he will just be cast aside, more than he already has. He needs to be emotionless and logical, his emotion has already broke through a few times. For example when he threw a piece of paper at Roman. The others must of noticed this, why else would he not be invited to the court scenario. Why else would they just forget him like that? It was quite clear of how useless he is becoming. This is why he keeps getting cast to the side. This is why no one noticed him being gone or cared that he wasn’t there in the last episode.

“Gosh Logan, why are you so pathetic, why can’t you just fulfill your purpose that you are meant to.” He choked out as his tears ran down his face faster. He constantly kept saying these things to himself till he grew numb. He wiped his tears away before crawling into his bed, he was miserable, he couldn’t keep doing this everyday. This isn’t healthy, he is starting to realize, but he can’t stop. He doesn’t know how to stop this, he is scared to stop. He is so scared of what could happen to him if he stops hiding his feelings from the others.

He looked around his room, noticing the shadows covering up more of his room as his mental health worsen. This was an affect his room does, it portrays what he is experiencing mentally at the time. Lately it has been nothing but darkness and shadows to show how bad he has been mentally. No one have seemed to notice though, no one seem to care. He closed his eyes for a moment and started to control his breathing. He needed to calm himself down before he could do anything productive.

Logan pulled off his tie before getting up, he had a lot of more planning to do for Thomas so he shouldn’t waste his time on unimportant things like feelings. He moved across the room noticing the shadows had gone away a bit from calming himself down. If he can just keep himself like this for a bit, he will be able to effectively get work done. 

When he arrived at his desk, he stared at the things scattered on it. He picked up a photo of him and the others, he smiled at the photo, he was lucky to have such an amazing family like this. He would do anything to make sure he doesn’t lose it. He sat the photo back down, he had to get back to work, he needs to do this to keep his family.

Just as he was about to pick up his planner, there was a pounding at his door. He sighs, more work to do while forcing himself to be emotionless. He thought he could release his emotions for a bit but he was proven wrong by who ever was at his door at the moment. He got up and opened the door to find Roman at it with more video ideas for the next sander sides episode in his arms. 

“Hey Logan, I came up with a lot of new ideas, may we go through them and figure out which ones we can do?” Roman said as loud as he usually does with a huge smile. He assumes it is fake because why would someone smile at him?, the other believe he feels nothing so why would Roman smile at him. He sighed for a moment, to keep his voice steady as he spoke. He needed to be able to fool him into thinking that Logan didn’t break down crying not that long ago.

“Come in Creativity, I can assure I will be able to help you find the more logical ones out of your ideas.” Roman frowned at being called creativity but decided not to mention it. He moved to the side to give Roman access to the room. Logan grabbed the paper filled with the ideas and moved to go sit it on his desk. He look over to see Roman sit on his bed so he can watch Logan go through the ideas. He nodded at him before Logan sat down to work at his desk for another emotionless job he has to force himself to go through.

As Logan went through the ideas, he had to stop himself at poking fun or making jokes with Roman. He had to focus to make sure he doesn’t screw up or reveal his deepest secret to the other. Even though some of the ideas were quite nonsense with what they have for resources currently, he made sure to file those away for the future. If they are able to do it then, then they will be able to access it without the worry of trying to remember what the idea was. He decided to glance over at Roman to see how he is taken his judgement. He was happy to see him smile that some of his ideas are being spared for later, but Logan wouldn’t admit he enjoyed making Roman smile.

Soon Logan found himself staring at him longily, he wished he could be him at times, to be able to be allowed to feel. He knows he won’t be able to do that, but still he can’t stop from wishing. He quickly wiped away the tears peeking out of the corner of his eyes to not get yelled at by Roman from feeling this way. Is it wrong for him to find himself attracted to Roman, it doesn’t matter because who would even fall for Logan, he is broken. 

By the time Logan finished, he felt the repressed emotions trying to get released, so he bit his tongue as he shooed Roman out, not wanting him to witness him breaking down. He can’t let the others find out, especially Roman. He doesn’t want to be thrown away because he was found to be broken.  
He isn’t ready for that, he loves his family too much to lose them all now for something like this. He need to get better, he needs to do it for them. Who cares about the unnoticed sacrifices he makes for them, he just needs to do his role. Maybe then, they won’t leave him.

Even though he was just an error in the code, he can’t stop himself from dreaming of the possibilities of being loved. He wishes that one day maybe Roman would return the feelings but he knew it wouldn’t be possible, specially after his actions towards him. 

Logan started scratching at his arm to try and distract himself from these thoughts. He needed to make these thoughts stop, anyway how that he can manage. He looked up to noticed the shadows growing darker. As he looked around the room, he realized these thoughts were affecting his room and to an extension, Thomas. 

He started to calm himself down, he couldn’t make Thomas suffer from his own stupidity. He just needs to relax, he stopped clawing at his arm and took a deep breath. He kept focusing on his breathing till the shadows became transparent again before heading towards his bed to rest.

Logan sighed as he crawled into his bed to sleep, he needs his rest because tomorrow he has to live through all of this again. His own personal hell, one might say. All of this is his fault, he is broken logic.


End file.
